omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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