Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize