break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
