I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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