I wannas sexs uuuuu
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
