I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
