My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
