So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
