I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
