They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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