Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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