Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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