Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Walk of Shame today included voting.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
