if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
