you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
