franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
