She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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