I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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