i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
