soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
