There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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