I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
