All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
