i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my vag is so smooth its legendary
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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