im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
