Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize