I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
