I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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