Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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