Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize