I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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