Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
