Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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