was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
