just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Still dying that you shit outside
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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