we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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