Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
