Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
