he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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