I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
