you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
