You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
