Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
