Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
