i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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