he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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