thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if only i could text you this smell
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
