The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
