My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My room smells like vodka and shame
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
