Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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