i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
