lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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