Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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