She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize