That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize