i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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