i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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