people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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