It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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