Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
