Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
