It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
