If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
