Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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