Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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