Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
