He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
