and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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