i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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