I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
