Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
