am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
