Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
