He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
