We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
