im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
