Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
