I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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