I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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