"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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