I skipped work to stalk him.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
