the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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