It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
