There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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