i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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