what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
