PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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