my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
