Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
