what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
