If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
