If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
