I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
