He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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