I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
