I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
