Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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