need another drink. this is the easiest way
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize