you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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