woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
