That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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