after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
