My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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